Just to Say Goodbye
by DARWIN51
Summary: Just to say goodbye to you one last time, but only a distant memory now. rated T for adult themes and character death. KellyXGustavo
1. Just To Say Goodbye

**A/N this is one of a series of oneshot fics that revolve around the song You and Me by Lifehouse. I don't own BTR or the song.**

"_I can't keep up And I can't slow down….I've been losing so much time."_

"Gustavo?" Kendall called. The boys came into Roque Records that morning, as they always did. But this morning, something was off. Gustavo wasn't in his office, or the recording studio. A faint but clear song drifted through the halls, and the boys followed the sound.

"_Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose,"_

The four boys cautiously approached the door of a no longer used recording studio and peeked inside. Gustavo sat at the piano bench, gently coaxing a melancholy tune from the grand instrument.

"_And it's you and me and all of the people And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you."_

"Gustavo?" Kendall repeated softly.

Their large, pessimistic, rock solid boss turned to face them; with tears in his eyes.

"Gustavo. What happened to you?" James asked with concern.

"Kelly." Gustavo said just above a whisper, his voice wavering.

The boys immediately knew something awful had happened, but yet they looked around, as if she was going to come through door, clipboard held to her chest, and explain why Gustavo was upset, maybe bring him a tissue, then usher the boys back to the recording studio.

"Where is she?" Carlos asked, on the edge of tears, already knowing the response.

Gustavo didn't answer.

"Gustavo! Tell her she needs to come back! Tell her she can't take the day off today, there's too much to do!" Carlos cried, lunging forward, but knowing he wasn't going to go anywhere. Kendall took him by the collar and James grabbed his shoulder and they held him back, eyes never leaving Gustavo.

"Boys, there are things in the world that are much more complicated than you need to worry about right now. Why don't you take the rest of the day off."

"Tell us what happened." Kendall said firmly "We can handle it." although, from Carlos's act, that wasn't looking too convincing.

"She took her life." Gustavo said bluntly. "In her apartment last night, with a rope."

Carlos's face was a mask of disbelief. Of all four boys, Carlos was unquestionably the most innocent. He refused to believe that someone who always seemed so happy and content could have negative emotions powerful enough to kill herself.

James showed barely and emotion. He didn't deal well with death and tragic situations. When his father died, James swore he would keep any and all emotion to himself, so he decided that becoming an actor would be great, so he could express his emotions as someone else besides James. That way if anyone saw his real emotion on screen or anywhere, they would just dismiss it as 'acting'.

Logan was also in disbelief. He was the doctor, he should have seen it coming. All the classic signs of suicide never showed with Kelly, and Logan couldn't believe he hadn't seen it coming. Of the boys, he should have been able to prevent this more than anyone. He should have noticed, told somebody, she would still be here. But he was just a doctor, not a psychologist.

Kendall knew a little bit about this. He had seen the way Gustavo often treated Kelly. Bossing her around like a maid, rather than an assistant, without ever so much as a "Thank you". But Kendall knew what that was. He was good at reading people like that. He knew what Gustavo was doing, Kendall just thought he had a pretty weird way of showing it.

After a seemingly endless silence, James spoke a single word. "Why?"

"There were many reasons. She was in debt. I thought I paid her a decent amount to cover the general living expenses, but I recently learned she has an autistic brother to pay healthcare and living expenses for also. So she sold herself on most nights, and even that didn't cover everything. She owed her landlord over $8,000 and was trapped in an abusive relationship for over 3 years. I'm sorry guys." His voice cracked at the end, and tears swelled up in his bottom eyelid, threatening to spill over. He sat down at the piano and continued to play, tears falling on the keys.

"_Everything she does is beautiful…..And everything she does is right.."_

Kendall knew.

"_Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do,"_

He knew that there were feelings far beyond

"_Nothing to lose…"_

Just being his assistant.

"_And it's you and me and all of the people,"_

Even if she might not have felt the same way back.

"_And I don't know why…."_

Because he knew exactly how Gustavo felt,

"_I can't take my eyes off of you."_

"You loved her."


	2. The Path You Choose

A/N this made me cry just writing it. Heavy stuff.

Just one more.

One more bruise means one more missed day of work. One more day she doesn't get paid. One more day she doesn't eat. One more time the noose is taken down so she can live one more day.

But she was taking it day by day. Officially broke, in debt, almost out of a job.

Makeup can hide some bruises, but cannot mask the pain. Glancing back at the noose and she knows it won't be long. A young life once filled with doors of opportunity, soon to be snatched again by the pressures of life. Another life about to be wasted, where potential energy crumbles to dust, then mixes in with all the other dust particles of potential life cut short.

Soon she'll be just another few particles of dust. Another face on the news. Another hole in the ground.

Coworkers and friends see nothing, because nothing is to be seen. Everything remains on the inside, and that's how she wants it, until the last gasp.

The rafters. That's her plan. Slicing the ceiling into diagonal strips, they are the perfect place to tie her rope.

Running through the motions, she completes one last day. The sun shines too bright, she doesn't plan for this to be the last day but something inside says it is. She doesn't know. She could have known. She could have planned the day to do the last things she wanted from life; a walk in the park, eating at her favorite restaurant, saying subtle goodbyes to those closest to you, silently letting them know this wasn't because of them. But she doesn't. She doesn't know. She doesn't plan. 'Cause, was anything really ever that simple?

So she says no goodbyes, takes no walks, the only thing telling her this is the end is the soft song of her mother's voice in her head, singing sweet lullabies of days gone by. Whispering I love you and sleep baby sleep, I'll see you when you wake. And she will.

She walks through her house. The family room, her childhood. The memories taste sweet and fills her heart with nostalgia. The kitchen, her teens. Friends supporting and new adventures to be had. The bedroom, her early twenties. Learning to be alone, these memories are sharper, unlike childhood which was fuzzy. And the dining room: now. Dark, bitter tasting, no tomorrow in sight. It used to be she would go through every day with a crystal-clear image of tomorrow, like water. Now it was thick stew, unsure of tomorrow, unsure of today. Everything she did brought her down.

Up, the rafters, up, the rope. Up, the easy way out.

Down, the chair, down, the floor. Down down down, the hard path: Life.

She chooses up.

And it's all about lasts. Lasting moments, lasting friendship, love. Last breath, last sight. Last sensation and touch.

The last sensation is her toes on the edge of the chair. The last sight: a family photo.

When the world drowned her out, she chose to drown out the world. Last thoughts, _I'm sorry _and _this is the right choice_. How wrong she is. Because she chose this. You can't choose where the path takes you, but you can choose to follow it.

At this moment, her coworkers are playing hockey, oblivious. At this moment, her potential life crumbles into dust, scattering into the future, unable to touch the man she would have married. Unable to touch the children she would have beared, because she's taking their lives too. But right now, those thoughts don't matter. Right now, she's far away and slipping farther.

Last sound: a single tear hitting the floor.


End file.
